February 6th

I'm sick.... and when i'm sick, I dont' take care of myself very well. Ice cream and pepsi become a part of my diet again. Stress makes it so that I don't do what i'm supposed to do. Not only do i eat what i shouldn't be eating, but I also dont act the way i want to. I am stressed because of an incident with Quinn. i'm most definitely loosing sleep over it. that is frustrating. It's frustrating that I can't seem to allow the situation to leave me alone and that I am continuing to think about it all weekend and allow it to ruin my weekend. Plus, i'm frustrated that I turn into the big bad meany when i'm stressed and frustrated. I was able to put it aside for the game today, but otherwise, i was just upset all day long. Money is also stressing me out, and that has a lot to do with it all as well. So.... hopefully going to get to bed soon, and then be able to be a good mom in the morning.

Sick

Of course, Now i get sick.... not only do I not want to eat, but when i DO want to eat, it's not for things that are healthy. And then, no matter what i eat, my tummy hurts. I did pick up a dress for free today from Curves... they are having a clothing exchange all month, anyways, I picked up a dress, and it was a size M, and fit, and looks very very cute and sexy. I like it! Anyways, I think tomorrow i'm taking the day off from exercising, so i can try to stay well. i may even take the day off on Friday as well. i did get 30 min at curves in today, med intensity, and then the sun came out, so justin and I went for a walk.... that was nice. it was about 15 min, and lots of uphill stuff around arcata. not only was that healthy for the body, for for our relationship as well.
On another healthy note, I began volunteering today at Companion Animal Foundation.... this is healthy for the mind and spirit. so glad I did it. and, next week i'll be doing 2 days a week, for about 2 hours each time. And hopefully will be helping out in the thrift shop as well. I"m hoping that next week i'll be able to do that a little. Basically, I just clean out litter boxes and feed cats, but that is cool. It's something i've wanted to do for some time!

keeping on track

It's hard to stay on track, and having a husband who is some what sabatoging is hard too.... it's hard because he rarely does things for me, or buys me things, so.... he finds it loving toget me my favorite ice cream, and i'm sure not going to complain.... until after i eat it and feel horrible for doing so! BUT... i'm trying to g et back on track... back on Alli, doing a detox, and eating better! of course my period is due, so this week, who knows what my energy levels will be at, but hoping to get out to curves every day, hoping to get to work on the house, hoping to get out and walk when it's not raining... and hoping to just feel good all around this week!! going to weigh myself tomorrow AM, before I get ready for my day (and try to remember it so i can post about it later) and then hoping in a week that I looks a few pounds. I don't have a goal for this week, but a couple pounds would be good. So... it's sunday. Here's to a good week and trying to stay on track!!

set backs

I'm having major set backs right now. Part of it is becasue I'm just so stressed, andI don't have the support. I don't have any support here! I have a friend to work out with, occasionally. My husband doesnt' work out with me, and even now, I am more of a parent to him then a wife. I want to loose 20 lbs by April 13th!!! This weekend i've had way too many sweets for my own good. I have no motivation! plus, it's raining outside most of the time.... and i'd rather just work out in the great outdoors.... I want to go swimming, but I dont' have the money for it. I'm ashamed to say that my mom gave me money for it, and I had to spend it on gas instead! the money stress is getting to me! it's too much, and as much as i try, it's just not makign anything else better!

January 20

I got out to Curves today for a good 40 min, and I had a counseling session with my pastor. I agree with him on one thing. That i don't like what he said... He said i'm doing basically everything I should be.... gave me a tweek here and a tweek there to ponder, but that it's not really gonna help much. ugh, what's that all about. But, i'm still so very glad I talked to him. Give me another sounding board other then my friends, who i'm sure is simply sick of hearing me complain about my pitiful life. eating wise, didnt' do great, but not bad... lets see...
Breakfast : 1 c. cereal with milk
1 glass pepsi
Lunch: sandwhich on whole wheat bread, chicken and cheese and a bit of mayo
bag of doritos
juice squeezers drink (0nly 70% juice)
Dinner: 1 breast of chicken, fried (grandma sousa style)
1/2 c. Broccoli (steamed with butter and salt and pepper)
1 C. or so (maybe a bit more) mashed potatoes... with butter and salt.
1 C. milk

so, ok, not too horrible, but not necessarily GRAND either.

Every day is a new day. but, i have to do major planning for tomorrow's meals and such, since we'll be eating dinner in the car. Another crazy day is ahead of me. I hate having to be so in charge. responsibility SUCKS!

physically better, mentally trash

well, today I got out for a full hour of working out at Curves. I wasn't planning on getting to curves early enough, Susan and I were already planning on doing 3 rounds, which is about 45 min. I got one extra round, making it a 1 hour workout. not too difficult... med intensity.
Breakfast: 1/2 bagel with cream cheese and tomatoes
tall skinny cinnamon dolce late (90 cal)
Lunch: 1/2 c. rice with pineapple ribs gravy. 1/4 c. macaroni salad
Dinner: 1/2 chicken breast cordon bleu
2 brownies.
16 oz pepsi
2 - 100 cal pack choco chip cookies

Ok, so I didn't do too bad, until dinner. Calorie wise, it's not horrible, but it's not great either. I want to be better, but the stress is really getting to me. Today, I almost broke down. i am having a hard time having vertually everything on my shoulders. Today, Justin just went and tried to change the whole schedule that was already set up. He doesn't seem to see how I need things to be somewhat consistant for a while. This just adds to my stress. Luckily, I went to work and the kids really picked up my spirits, which was nice, i must say.

tomorrow, I have a chat/counseling session. I hope it helps, even just a bit. May tomorrow be a better day, all around!

another year

Another year gone by, and I'm back. I didn't do 1/2 bad last year, but you know what... stress got to me, and though i didn't really gain a lot of weight, I didn't loose any either. I changed so that I'm working out at Curves again. i like it so much better then Healthsport. Actually, i loved the yoga on Healthsport, and I wish I could do that again. I really miss yoga, but, Curves works better for me as far as working out. So, back in August, I started back at Curves. I haven't lost any weight since then, in fact the holidays and extra stress have made it so that I have gained again. As of the beginning of the year, I was 176 lbs! I don't like it. I don't want to be like this any more. Stress, however is not good for me, and the stress combines with the lack of support is also hard for me. I get stressed, and I go for the Pepsi or the Chocolate!! The weekends come, and I've been SO good over the whole week that I just let go, and eat everything I can that is bad for me. I lay around and do nothing. I get poor sleep. It's not healthy. I don't want this any more! and yet, I get more sympathy and i guess a form of love from being like this. It's my pay off. I want my pay off to be how good I look in clothes. That's what I want my payoff to be. I had a good week, 2 weeks ago... Last week was not as good, but I still got out every day of the week to Curves. So far, I'm starting off this week poorly... THat is why I'm doing this. I want to get used to journally about my healthiness again. No one will read it, i'm sure. Do i care? no, not really. It's for me, and if someone reads it, great... then you can try to support me. We all need support.

Here's my Healthy Goals for this year, and they are not all physicallly healthy goals...I want not only my body to be healthy, but also my mind and spirit.

1. Exercise daily: Curves, Running/walking/swimming
2. Volunteer: at church, at some other organization, at the boys' school
3. To spend time with my boys and with my husband, and as a family - this time is to be as cheap as possible and consentrate more on quality time.
4. To participate in the Foggy Bottoms Milk Run 2010.
5. Start a savings account.

That's what I have so far, for a start. The only thing I have started is the exercising, and we've started doing a little quality time with everyone.... I've done at least 1 step towards volunteering, and a savings account... don't think that's going to get started until February, but even if I put only 5 bucks in a month, that's better then nothing!

So, 2010, here's to a new year. Here's to trying to keep stress down and out! that is my biggest issue!!

Oh, and I forgot, playing more music is another goal for my mind and spirit! It really has been making me happy.